She was just 5 and half. A cute little girl, for counseling? What must be her story at such tender age? I was wondering when her parents entered my cabin. As required I sent her out to draw on the white board I had kept in the next room with my assistant. Her parents now told me that her problem is that she just doesn’t want to go to school. Whenever we even talk about her going to school she starts crying profusely . She is kind of fine at home, but generally has been clinging to her mother a bit more lately.
They said they have spoken with her teachers and her classmates and tried to find out if anyone is troubling her at school. We even stopped sending her by school van. She is still not ready to go to school. And we are just puzzled and troubled. We don’t know what could be her reason to not go to school. When I asked them if she is ready to stay at her grandmother or aunt, they said earlier she was okay to be with them for a couple of hours but she doesn’t stay over. And now she isn’t ready to go anywhere without her mother.
So the therapy started with having her mother in the cabin and later her sitting just out side of the cabin. This girl, let’s call her Meena, would go and check if her mother is there at least 10 times through the session. I spoke to her, asked her to draw, tell a story etc etc. And somehow, through the activities I could see that she is scared that her mother would leave her and go away. So, then I spoke with her parents, asked if they had had any such discussion or any such incident had happened earlier. Suddenly the mother realized that around a month back they had a fight over some trivial issue. But it escalated to such level that the mother said to her husband , “ kal Meena school chali jaye, tab dekhna, main bhi kahi chali jaungi aur wapas tumhara munh dekhane kabhi nahi aaungi…” (Meaning, tomorrow when Meena goes to school she would leave home and will never be back to see his face again) All this happened when Meena was actually asleep, as they said. They said they are good parents and take care of not fighting in front of Meena. They also speak in English so she doesn’t understand what they are fighting about , if they have an argument in front of her.
So, here was the key to this puzzle. The poor girl didn’t know they grown ups can lie to that extent or they say things out of anger which they do not actually mean. That night she had overheard this statement of her mom and was scared that whenever she goes to school, her mother will disappear. She was too small to understand her own fear and explain it to her parents. She herself didn’t know why she was scared of going to school, which came out through the counseling session. And the later steps her parents took as per suggested could resolve this issue. She is now going happily to her school and stays with her aunt in the vacations. They both enjoy a lot.